Perhaps you had just seen the lauded “David G.”
famed on into the Hill Country for cock size, stamina,
and technique. Perhaps you saw him check you out.
And you rose up with fresh hope that the famed
Biggest Cock could be bestowed upon you,
presented like a medal for all your hard work.
Dessert. A reward. The year-end bonus
after all the small cocks you encountered in your search,
seeking the knowledge of how men love.
I confess I have been questioning your motives.
I understand the need to write it down.
Lord, you know I do.
And I loved you immediately
for needing to open with that
“Oh my lord,” to steady yourself,
perhaps, three beers to the wind, the rub-a-dub
of really good speakers coming up through
the fingers of your left hand clutching the top
of the unsteady stall door, indelible ink marker
in your purse for just such an occasion.
You had to write it down. I know.
Or perhaps David G. had just finished demonstrating for you
the perfect love act, right there in the ladies’
and kissed you once, tenderly, before tucking his big cock back
into its once-secret space and heading for the bar.
Alone, left to re-assemble yourself, you couldn’t hold
so glorious a secret. Boozy and rosy and content,
you took out your pen to share your joy with those to come.
I realize that you, anonymous you, are the most selfless person
writing on these walls today. To share with the Everywoman
who goes pee and lipsticks in this space
the knowledge you have worked so hard to obtain:
“Oh my lord—David G. has the biggest cock! And loves like no other man!”
To share with all of us your notes, your answer, to save us decades of
time and energy misspent with David S.s and L.s,
David R.s and D.s, to point us gently toward this G spot so that we will know
only the David Goldsmiths, Garbers, Garcias, and Galanopoli
are worth our time.
Unless the one who wrote those lines was you,
you, David G., you yourself!
In which case I salute you for your presence of mind, your wit, and
the restraint, good taste it took to refrain from ending,
“For a good time, Oh my lord, call!”
Originally published in Cider Press Review, Volume 1.
